আমি ও তিস্তা

আমি:
তিস্তা বলেছিলাম ফিরে আসব তোমার কাছে
কিন্তু তার হাত ধরে আসতে পারিনি, একাই এসেছি

বলেছিলাম স্বপ্নের খেয়া ভাসাবো তোমার স্বচ্ছ জলে কিন্তু তা যে চোখের জলে আগেই ভাসিয়ে দিয়েছি

বলেছিলাম অনেক ভালবাসা সাথে নিয়ে আসব কিন্তু আজ আমি নিঃস্ব হাতে এসেছি
তুমি কি গ্রহন করবে আমায়?


তিস্তা:
তিস্তা আমি বয়ে চলেছি যুগ-যুগান্তর ধরে
দেখেছি বহু প্রজন্মের বেদনা যন্ত্রণা সুখ অসুখ
সব বয়ে চলেছি আমার শীতল স্রোতে
এসো আমার তীরে তুমি, এসো আমার তরে
ভাসিয়ে দাও সব গ্লানি, কান্না যত আছে তোমার বুকে
আমি ছিলাম, আমি আছি, আমি থাকবো
বয়ে যাবে আমার স্রোত, মিশে যাবে তোমার সুরে

Co-authored with Dip Sarkar

রিলেশনশিপ and মানসিকতা

আমি মনে করি একটা রিলেশন শিপের স্টেবিলিটি র জন্য মানসিকতার একটা বড় রোল আছে। মানসিকতা মানে জেনারেল মেন্টাল make-up of a person.

How he behaves in a given situation; What he would do; what he would say; how he would think; the way he would proceed given a certain set of environmental conditions.... This is what I refer to when I use the term মানসিকতা...

অনেক সময় একটা কথা আমরা প্রায়ই বলে থাকি, 'opposites attract'.

দুটো মানুষ যদি একদম একই স্বভাবের হয়, হয়তো তাদের সম্পর্ক যতটা interesting হয়, তার থেকে স্বভাব যদি একটু আলাদা হয় তাহলে রিলেশনশিপ explore করার মজাই আলাদা হয়ে যায়, এটা আমি মনে করি। কারণ তখন থাকে অপর মানুষটাকে জানা, এবং চেনা, এবং তার মধ্যে থাকা অনেক অজানা জিনিসকে খুঁজে বার করার একটা আগ্রহ। Thrill। তাই জন্যই হয়তো opposites attract phraseটা এত প্রচলিত।

কিন্তু কখনো-কখনো দুটো মানুষের মানসিকতা এতটাই আলাদা হয়ে যায় যে তারা একেবারে দুই মেরুর মানুষ বলে একে অপরের কাছে দেখা দেয়। কখনো কখনো এমন মনে হয় যে অপর মানুষটা একজন complete stranger.

একে তো চিনি না! এই মানুষটাকে কি আমি ভালোবাসি?

কিন্তু তাও ভালোবাসার টানে সব সময় মনে একটা বল পাওয়া যায়। মনের মধ্যে একটা আশা থাকে, 'যাই হোক না কেন আমি তো ওকে ভালোবাসি; সেও আমাকে ভালবাসে; at the end of the day that is what matters; তাহলে adjust করার চেষ্টা করতে ক্ষতি কি? নিশ্চয়ই পারবো। ও না হলে আমি তো পারব। দেখাই যাক না...'

কিন্তু যদি একদিন এরকম একটা situation তৈরি হয় যখন একজনের মনে হয় যে আরেকজনের মানসিকতাটা আলাদাই নয় খারাপ, তাহলে তার কি রিলেশনশিপ টা continue করা উচিত?

দুজন মানুষের মানসিকতা আলাদা হলে সেটা না হয় adjust করে নেওয়া যায় কিন্তু, যদি কেউ মনে করে যে অপর মানুষের মানসিকতাটাই খারাপ, তাহলে তার কি খারাপ মানসিকতার মানুষের সাথে থাকা উচিত???

আমি মনে করি মানসিকতার ভালোত্ত বা খারাপত্তটা আপেক্ষিক। হয়তো আমার কাছে যেটা ভালো, আরেকজনের কাছে সেটা খারাপ and vice versa. আর জোর করে চেষ্টা করেও কারুর thought process কে পাল্টানো যায় না।

তাই, এই সিচুয়েশনে যখন আমি মনে করছি যে অপর মানুষটা ভালো না (বা, তার মানসিকতা খারাপ), আমার কি উচিত সবকিছু জেনে; বুঝে; মেনে; খারাপ মানসিকতার মানুষটার সাথে সংসার করা???

আমার প্রিয় ডাইরী

কত শত সুখ দুঃখ লুকিয়ে রেখেছো তুমি তোমার বুকে,

কত চোখের জলের সাক্ষী হয়ে আছো তুমি
কত গোপন কথা জানতে দাওনি কাউকে
আজ যাবার আগে বলে যাই
 আর চেপে রেখো না তোমার মনে জমে থাকা অনুভূতি গুলো

আমি হয়ত থাকব না
কিন্তু যদি সে আসে আমার সন্ধানে
তুমি খুলে দিও তোমার মনের দড়জা
বলে দিও তাকে তোমার বুকে জমে থাকা কথাগুলো
মুক্ত করো তোমার হৃদয়

Author information:

Dipankar Sarkar 

dipsarkar704@Gmail .com

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007069442158

Filth

Nilargha was drunk. Di had called him many times since afternoon but he didn't bother to pick up her calls. In Fact, he had not taken any calls today. It was around 11.30pm when finally he called di.

A compassionate male voice answered the call. It was Di's husband, his brother-in-law, 'where have you been, Nil. We've been worried’. Nothing jaibu (Jamai Babu), was just lying down. Will go to sleep.

Di soon snatched the phone and scolded, ‘ Ki re! How many times have I called you, but you didn't answer. Kheyechis Kichu?’. 'Hmm’, said Nilargha indicating he had eaten for the night.

'Ki kheyechis’, Di asked to which he replied, 'Mod’. 'Please don't scold today di. Let me be on my own tonight. I'll be sober by morning. You know, I don't drink frequently now’.

Di didn't scold. She was calm. Gently, she said, ‘ ok, go to sleep. We shall talk tomorrow morning. Good night’.

He cut the call and kept the mobile aside. His mind wandered to the fateful night, 5 years ago on the same date.

Surajit was in his room. He wanted to come out to his family. He told Nilargha. Nilargha was confident. His elder sister (Di) knew. She had always supported her younger brother. She wanted to see him happy.

In a moment of happiness Surajit held him in a warm embrace and planted a kiss on his lips just when his father entered. The moment was awkward for all three. Nilargha froze where he stood and Surajit separated himself away from nilargha. His father turned down his eye, and left the room without saying a word.

Not knowing what to do, Surajit decided it was best he left for his home. It was getting late. 10pm. He didn't have the courage to meet uncle and say bye. He just walked past him sitting on the sofa. As he was about to make an exit, his father called out to Surajit, ‘I am aware what you two guys have been upto. It is better you don't come to my house again.’

Nilargha protested immediately, and shouted ,'Baba!’. The old man calmly said, 'You guys are adults. Do what you want to do outside my house.’ Then turning to Nilargha he calmly said,'Don’t bring such filth in my house again’.

Surajit turned down his gaze on the floor and rushed out of the house. Nilargha ran behind him, but he hopped on the approaching bus and sped away.

Repeated calls to his number that night went unanswered for the next one hour until finally the call was picked up for a traffic sergeant who informed that Surajit had met with an accident at Chingrighata crossing. He missed an approaching vehicle, probably absentmindedly that rammed headon into him.

Nil had rushed out but by the time he reached the hospital, Surajit was gone forever.

Nilargha had slipped into depression. It had taken multiple psychiatrist visits and a lot of support from Di and Jaibu for him just to grab a foothold on his life again. 5 years had passed. He has cut down on his drinking but on this night, he finds it impossible. Sedatives don't seem to work.

Baba used to tell him often, ‘one never forgets his first love.’ With time, Baba had become quieter and the two men had developed an invisible wall of silence between them which neither of them ventured to break.

On this night, Baba would retire early and Niladri would stay awake for the entire night thinking, if only he had not brought in the 'filth’ in his house, that fateful night...

Divorce saga

It was around 11:30 p.m. Piku had finished his dinner and was lying down lazily on his bed. Saturday night, nothing much to do at hand. Pico scrolled some YouTube videos. Then he gave cursorial touch to his Facebook account.

10 years challenge was in Vogue. almost everyone he knew had been posting pictures of themselves 10 years back and now.

Piku remembered the fat Piku he used to be in 2009. There was a picture taken by a batchmate while he certain the medicine ward of North Bengal medical college. He had a pink shirt on with the stethoscope wound over his neck like a snake and serious look stamped on his face with chubby cheeks.

Years had gone by and he had shed those extra kilos. Scrolled through his recent pictures. He saw the background picture on his laptop. How different he looked! The Piku of 2009 would not recognise the Piku of 2019 if by chance the came face to face. Time had shaped him in such a manner, be it his body or his mind.

He was smarter; he was handsomer then used to be and still, he was stupid just as he was way back in 2009.

Some traits never leave you try how hard you may.

Piku was lost in himself when the mobile rang. It was Bidhu Bhushan Da. He was often called Bidhu by his batchmates whereas Piku called him Bhushan da.

‘I got my divorce paper today. The whole procedure is complete and now I am single again’, he said with the breaking voice. Piku had no idea how to respond to such emotional situations. He said after a pause, ‘jakgge finally you are free now’.

Bhushan da was quiet for sometime and then said, ‘what will I do now re?. You know today I sent back everything that her family had given me during our marriage. The bed, the mattress, everything’.

He went on to elaborate how bad and lonely he felt. Life felt meaningless to him now. When his wife was there he would argue with her. When she left he tried to woe her back. Finally, when things reached a point of no return, he had filed for a divorce.

He has been confused about the whole affair. He had missed date after date of the hearing which again led to arguments with his wife. She felt caged in the relationship. She wanted an escape. Fight and argue to whatever extent he may, he still loved her and wanted her in his life.

But you cannot keep a person close to you without that person’s free will. And when the other party had already decided this marriage was not going to last, can you do anything?

I think it is prudent to let go of people who don't want to stay after a certain point. Begging someone never yields respect. It can only get you sympathy.

‘Janis, she used me to rise up her career ladder. How much my mother and father had loved her as if she was their own daughter. They are the ones who were hurt the most after this affair. She made a career for herself and left the country. Now madam is in Canada. She has enrolled herself into some masters’ course in management. And soon afterwards, she will get herself a work permit and will settle down there. While the stupid me is sitting here and crying thinking about her. She who doesn't even bother’, he said with a sob in his voice. Probably he was drunk.

Off late he had taken to alcohol. The last time his family had gone out on a Europe trip Piku had gone one night to stay at his house because he felt lonely. After dinner they had gone out for a walk and when they got back he brought out a bottle of whiskey and emptied it down before going to sleep. Pico watched in surprise. This was not the Bhushan da he knew from college.

A failed relationship makes your life bitter just opposed to a successful relationship, that makes you a better person. Between ‘bitter and better’ there is difference of only  i and e, but how differently they change the meaning of life - in a bitter or better way...